My Little Negro

Imagine this disturbing scene, if you can :

A car pulls up to a curb and rolls down the window.  The light-skinned driver shouts out to a black man who is walking on the sidewalk, “Hey, my little negro !, come here !”.  And the black man hurries over to give directions to the white driver, at which point, he might say, “thank you my little negro” and then he drives away.

In what time period would you place this scene ?

There are cars, so logically it's gotta be sometime after the 1920's. With civil rights movements happening around the globe (except South Africa), it certainly couldn't be after the 60's.

Surely, you decide, this is a scene from the 1940’s or 50’s.  But nay, this a scene repeated day in and day out here in Colombia.

But the locals swear they’re not racists.  ''Mi negrito'' and ''mi negrita'' are terms of affection !  Incredibly it bothers no one.

Try calling out the same terms of affection in the some city in the States and see if anybody minds.

The Boys from Colombia

The Spanish word for monkey is "mono".  Except for in Colombia, where they use the word "mico".  The word "mono" does exist here, it just has a different meaning : blond.  Colombians will describe me with the term "mono", even before they see me in a tree.

How did this mix-up happen ?  Well, I have a theory. You see, we spent part of our Spring Break in Tayrona National Park where the Sierra Nevada mountains crash into the Caribbean Sea.  And while there, we saw the most curious little primate, the Cotton-Top Tamarin.

Obviously, Franz Liszt's henchmen pianists Charles-Camille Saint-Saëns and Charles-Valentin Alkan took some samples of Liszt's DNA and semen with them to South America so that they could recreate the genetics and life of the Hungarian piano-playing virtuoso.

And then some cheeky monkey stole the samples, obviously ! 

See the family resemblance ? The monkey below is trying to play the tree trunk !

[Written in 2012]

Mr. Handsome

I've never entered a beauty contest before unless you count all of those second-place finishes I won playing Monopoly.  Until recently.  And even for this contest, I had no idea that I was a contestant.

During the most recent school assembly over at the colegio, the students announced the results of a school-wide survey.  Category 1 : Most Handsome Teacher.  What is this ? Then I heard my name, what ?!

I realized that contests of beauty were more important in this part of the world that say, anywhere else in the world, but I would never have thought that the kids here voted on which teachers they thought the best-looking (There was also an award for best-looking female teacher, which went to a tall blonde American).

Looks like all of that collagen that I shoved in my lips and the buttock augmentation really did the trick !

[Written in 2012]

In Your Country...

In Europe, mostly along the Southern and Eastern fringes, there exists some confusion.  Is IKEA from Switzerland ?, does Sweden make chocolate ?, do moose and reindeer pose a threat to those who ski in the Alps ?

In South America, there is no such confusion. Everyone agrees that the wonderful country of Swedzerland is a rich, politically neutral North Central European nation.  They make safe cars and noisy clocks, but their greatest invention, in the culinary realm, is obviously the chocolate moose.

Part of this misunderstanding is due to names.  These two countries have very similar names in Spanish : Suiza and Suecia...which is which ?  My Colombian ID labeled me as Swiss from Suiza.

The other part of the misunderstanding is that South Americans are notoriously bad at geography.  It apparently runs in the hemisphere. One man asked me if France was next to Argentina.  If you squint.

Recently, when crossing the border between Bolivia and Argentina, the official took a look at my Swedish passport, written in Swedish, English, and French.

''Ahh, your country is Swedzerland ?''

''No, no, Sweden, Suecia...Suueeciaaa.''

''Okay, Swedzerland,'' and he starts typing my new home nation onto his keyboard.

''No, not Suiza. Suecia.  Vengo de Suecia. Ese Oo Ay C E Ahhh.''

South Americans are generally very friendly and are eager to start up conversation with foreigners.  But it's at this point in the conversation that most give up.

''Pauline, how is France doing during the crisis?''

''And Andrei, is it very cold in, uh, in your country ?''

The Second Coming of the Blog

After four months of traveling in Colombia, the States, Peru, Bolivia, and now Argentina, I think I have gathered a enough stories to jump start the comatose blog.  I still have a few stories unfinished from the Colombian and Venezuelan era, which may have to be inserted as flashbacks.

So as long as I have reliable internet service, I'll try to put up a new article every week or so.  Hope you enjoy them...