A Swede in Bolivia ? Oh la la...

French miners at Potosi

Most people, excepting some Bush-era Republicans, do actually like the French. Non, really, they adore the French. They may be reluctant to admit it, but they let it slip with every self-admiring use of rendez-vous, déjà vu, and oh la la. "Honey, there are some French doors on sale at IKEA this month." "Ooh la la." "Sweetie, where's the Pert Plus ? And what's this Garneer Fructis ?" "I switched brands. It's French - you should try it." "Ooh la la." and "Actually in some circles they refer to my syphilis as the 'French disease.'" "Ooh la la. I never realized it was so sexy. Voolay voo cooshay aveck moi say soi ?"

French hitchhikers near Sucre

By the way, the French actually write and pronounce that famous interjection "oh la la". The double-o vowel combo is considered uncouth and unsightly by the French and their language. Low-class words such as boob, booger, poop, ooze, and Oompa Loompa cause the French to wince.

French people making dinosaur tracks

Yes, we like the French, and we can't help it. Meeting a French person gives that same type of joy as seeing a toucan or a waterfall. " Ahhh, will you look at that ? A real French person." The people are ambassadors of their culture : the food, the style, the sexiness, the class, you know, that ol' Frenchiness. The French are a cultural Santa Claus for us. To the educational elite, they gave existentialism. To the humble poor, mayonnaise. They gave roulette to the hopeless gambler and romance to the hopeless romantic. Braille to the blind. Cinema for the sighted. Bras and bikinis for women. Etch a Sketch for kids. Loppers for the fellas.

Their history reads like the Game of Thrones. War, betrayal, check. Wedding massacres, double check. Beheadings, triple check. And those White Walkers in the North just seem like a particularly disgruntled and pasty group of Belgians. All they need now for their histories/stories to align is for a savior figure, Joan of Arc-like if you will, to be caught, sold, and burned at the stake. HBO would have made a killing if they showed French history as a reality show. Just don't you dare kill Arya.

French speakers in a cave

But in Bolivia, French tourists currently make up an estimated 12% of the population (By whom?, asks Wikipedia. By me.). Whenever we met light-skinned backpackers, we immediately spoke to them in French, not even wasting our time with English or Spanish. I wonder if the Plurinational Bolivian Government is considering adding French as a national language. There are so many French that the Bolivians have gotten a wee bit blasé about these people.  Up on the salt flats...des français. In the Potosi silver mine, encore des français. At Copacabana...putain, ils sont partout !

Esuidis ?

So when Pauline states proudly that she's French, the Bolivians tell her to get in line. Afterwards, I sheepishly add that I might be Swedish. Esuidis ? They have no clue where I'm from, or if I just ordered some raw meat, but they know I'm no French. Esuidis ! Welcome to Bolivia !